I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
