"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
