I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
