this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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