there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
