hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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