Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
