a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
