walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
