hotel room ftw
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
