he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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