They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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