Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
