Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
