Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
