she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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