my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
