Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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