I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
