I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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