my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
