When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
