My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
