she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
