Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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