It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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