i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
