Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
