Can Purell be used as lube?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
