Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
