ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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