I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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