You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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