:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
