It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
