i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
