She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
