God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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