Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
