Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
