Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
