The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
