4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
