Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want her autograph on my taint
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
