Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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