I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
