I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
