Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
