I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
