I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
