it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Of course I have a pirate flag
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
