so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
